THIS IS COMMENT FROM MY PROFESSOR PLZ FOLLOW:
Steven- You are on your way with this essay. Below are some recommendations for revision: 1. Your introduction hook still needs work. If you want to keep the rhetorical question, you need to develop the ideas further. Again, the introduction lecture page in Week 6 might give you some good examples. 2. The thesis here is really unclear. I highly recommend you review the week 6 lecture of thesis statements. The issue is that your thesis is scattered across too many sentences. Get the thesis into 1 clear, direct sentence.
THIS IS COMMENT FROM PEERS:
great start to your essay. You had some good support and information. three things i would suggest you work on asap are
1) Write a Formal Conclusion at the end of your essay restating your thesis statement, summarizing support, and reflecting. 2) develop your original thesis statement more. make sure it has all three parts. qualifier, claim, and rationale. 3) Avoid repetitive language and add verity of sentence structure
MY ESSAY TYPE IS : A concept essay is genre wherein the author defines something (a term, concept, or idea) through an extended definition using denotation, connotation, classification, exemplification, and/or narration. Explaining a concept is the basis of most writing assignments. Often, even in larger writing projects, the author needs to take time to explain or define terms before moving on to the larger task or argument.
please READ THROUGH MY DRAFT AND IDENTIFY MY TOPIC. PLZ REVISE BASED ON THE RUBRIC,CHECKLIST AND PROFESSORS COMMENT. PLZ REVISE MY GRAMMAR AS WELL.