Transitions and Flow, Sentence Structure/Clarity , Grammar/Punctuation check for my essay.Suggestion for further development for my essay. Please criticize my essay and suggest me how can I develop this essay more. I will be really appreciated with your opinion whether my work is compelling enough. But first priority is checking grammar and flow.
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Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the
objectives you hope to achieve. (250-650 words)
No one hates the fast pizza delivery. In fact, everyone would hope delivers knock the door immediately after
they ordered Dominos. However, not much people cares about what expenses for the fast pizza delivery. So did
I.
However, there was an opportunity for me to realize the cost of fast delivery – risk of delivers’ life. At first time
it was really a coincidence. I did not join “youth community union” with a great ambition. In fact, I join this
union because one of my friend encouraged me to join it. No matter how I joined this union, I started my first
movement — ‘30 min delivery abolition movement.’ The risk of accident of delivers were increasing at that
time since pizza company’s 30 min delivery policy compelled delivers to strive for immediacy. As they had to
deliver within 30 minute, they had to drive dangerously which led to life-costing accidents. The death of
delivers fueled to the fire.
Our mission was to inform harsh working condition of delivers and abolish pizza company’s 30 minute policy.
Since I was just a new member of this organization, actually, there was not much things for me to do. All I did
was post the article about this on the social media or go to the public square to demonstrate with other people
shouting “abolish 30 min delivery.” It was a hard fight until pizza companies such as Dominos and Pizza Hut
abolished 30-min delivery policy.
Such 30-min policy indicates how delivers are forced to work in a harsh work condition. My age who had to
make money for the college tuition works for delivery by getting paid minimum wage, and they are victims of
this tragedy. Not only just delivers but also many young people work in a harsh condition where their right is
more ignored just because they are young. It is sad and angry but it is an undeniable truth. I could not bear to let
this be truth. I had to fight for this harsh truth.
However, I was just wearing wooden shield while bullets were raining from all sides. Since I did not know
much about the worker’s right or labor laws, there was not much things to for me to do except for standing street
with holding a sign. I am not diminishing the importance of holding signs, but I need something more than to
change the harsh reality for youth worker.
Therefore, I want to study about the labors to have armor that can endure those bullets. However, the current
college that I am attending cannot fulfil my desire for this. And this is why I want to transfer – to find the
college that offers course on the right of workers, labor laws or social justice.
When I entered my current college, I had various range of interests. So I took classes from mathematics,
physics, economics to history and guitar. I tried to figure out what I love. Although all the classes that I took
were interesting, I was not sure that I would want to be doing five or ten years from now. And now I found out
what I want to do for next ten years.
Now I want to read books related to social justice, debate and write essay for this. Moreover, I want to
participate students’ organization related to social justice, conduct research on the social justice and labor
relations, do internship related to this.
After having the armor that can endure all bullets, then my next task is to make armors for those pizza delivers –
workers whose right are violated.
…
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